I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
