Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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