dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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