Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
