It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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