hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
