I'm lost and stupid without you.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The uberlube is also flammable
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
