Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
