The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
