i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
