I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
