george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
