Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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