apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
