Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
