If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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