when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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