Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
