The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
