4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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