If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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