Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
