it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
