Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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