I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
