The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
