im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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