I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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