He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
