If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
