Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
