I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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