My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
