I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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