I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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