Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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