i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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