I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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