Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
