I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
