The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Randomize
