My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
