It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
