Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
