What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
