If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
