i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
