He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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