I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
