Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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