someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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