it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
