I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
