The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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