booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
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